Confusion

It’s interesting; I’ve never been one to ignore my feelings and emotions. I’m one of the most emotional girls you could ever meet. It’s who I am, it’s just my nature. Yet, for the past three weeks, I have been ignoring the emotions and thoughts that are spinning around in my head. It’s not necessarily that I want to, it’s more that I have to. They are in such a tangled mess, everything connected and yet making no sense, that to face them, to try and examine them, would only leave me in a state of utter confusion. I find it interesting that I know enough about the mess in my head to realize this, and yet I won’t look any further into them.

Perhaps I stall examining them because for just a little while, I had finally put my old issues and emotions to rest, and was finally able to get rid of all the confusion they had brought. Now, I think I just want time to bask in the peace of not having that confusion. So, I put off facing my new emotions for as long as possible. However, this doesn’t keep my peace. Instead my thoughts are on ignoring the thoughts and emotions I really need to face. This means I find myself in a predicament; Do I continue trying to hold on to the present peace by ignoring the tangles in my mind, or do I face that tangle and hope to reach a new peace on the other side of the knots I have to untie? This decision I face, is the first step in untying those knots. Now I wonder, am I ready to start that? Do I have the energy? Sometimes I fear I don’t, and so I hold back, though part of me is aching to face those knots, and organize the confusion.

Source:Written the summer before college, I had a lot of conflicting emotions and wrote to clear my head.